THE SERPENT AND THE ROPE

At times arguments become short on facts and long on speculations. This is inevitable in social sciences and literary studies, and to a great extent in physical sciences. However, speculations are neither figments of imagination nor blunt statements of faith. They are intelligent guesses made on available facts and figures: projections or reconstructions of what may happen or has happened in the absence of means and machines to exactly predict and locate the actual events.
What is a Ph.D. dissertation expected to do with speculations? Is it proper to stuff a dissertation with hearsays and rumors? Are there stringent criteria to comply with in the process of becoming a doctor? Does methodology have anything to do with in research? Before answering, read the following.


A few days ago the open defense of a doctoral dissertation took place at our college. Since refreshments were a sure bet, I made sure of my physical presence and with awe heard the arguments and got enlightened. A few to get a feel of the affair:
1. Snakes are categorized into Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaishyas and Sudras
2. Those who bite humans are cruel snakes and do not bite are sublime snakes
3. Nagaas have two heads while regular snakes have one head
4. Cobra, python and sea snakes are found in Kerala
5. The frequency of the earth and that of the voices produced during a kalamethuzhu pattu are identical
6. The kalam used in such functions has the shape of a pyramid; this shape has wonderful abilities.






Is this a Naga?!!!

There were questions on the part of the scholarly audience too:
1.You mentioned there are four varnas among snakes. Are there snakes belonging to schedule castes, schedule tribes and other backward communities?
2.What is the scientific basis and logic of dividing snakes into cruel and sublime?
3.Is there a photograph, or a similar document, to prove the existence of two-headed snakes?
4.How can we say that sea snakes are found in Kerala, a land?
5.What is the instrument with which you determined the frequencies of the earth and that of the ritual? What is the theory you based the experiment and inference on?
6.What are the wonderful abilities of a pyramid?

Though some of the questions triggered ripples of laughter, the scholar was undaunted and defended his arguments.
1.I have not come across SC/ST/OBC snakes so far. When the thesis is published as a book, the matter will be attended to.
2.Such questions deserve no answer
3.I have a guru in Ernakulam. He said about the existence of such snakes. You need not and should not distrust the words of elders. If you want I can give his mobile number and you can ring him up any time.
4.This question shows once again your ignorance of science
5.It is the obstinate nature of some people that prompt such foolish questions.
6. Some time back a friend of mine visited a pyramid and placed a rusty blade inside the structure. After a few hours, the blade was found to have reached its original state, clean and shining. Moreover, the mummies remain intact for centuries because of the shape. It converges energy into one point and works wonders.

Once he “successfully defended” the thesis, chairman of the committee (slightly embarrassed and ruffled by the uncouth and unscientific behavior of the spectators) stated he would recommend the official body concerned at the university to award him the degree of Ph.D. So within a month or so, one more doctor will be born in the academic dungeons of Kerala. Happy birthday in advance!!

(Tailpiece: One teacher expressed the hope of listening to the same arguments in a refresher course soon. Let snakes grant his desire)